Title: I, I will be King.
Author: eenodol
Pairing: Dante/Randal
Rating: umm.. somewhere between R and NC-17, i'd say.
Warnings: no.
Archive: yes. i like being archived.
E-mail address for feedback: eenodol@y...
Summary: Hey man, it's short. but for your pleasure, here is a line that was cut out off the final draft.

"Randal began to snuggle into Dantes ample bosom."


So, there Dante and Randal were. Randal had invited Dante over to watch football at his apartment. The two sat at opposite ends of the couch, watching the game and eating nachos.

"Mmmm.. Nachos.." Dante said.

"Mmmm.. Football.." Randal replied.

There was a tackle. The play stopped. The commentary began.

"Oh my god, will you look at that bone sticking right out through his flesh!" the commentator exclaimed. "That's gotta hurt!"

The camera zoomed in on the wounded player laying on his back in agony. You could indeed see the bone sticking right out throught his flesh.

"Ahhhhh!" Randal screamed girlishly, jumping on Dante and wrapping his arms around Dante's neck. Dante stiffened. His eyes got wide.


Randal began to snuggle into Dantes chest. He sighed.

"Um.. Randal? What are you doing?" Dante glanced cautiously down at him.

"Uh, woo, no, freak," Randal shouted loudly as he jumped off Dante's lap and into a standing position right in front of the tv.

"You want me.." Dante licked his lips.

"What? Ew! No, I don't! Ew! No!" Randal shook his head violently. "I'm not gay man. I am SO not gay."

"Yes you are. Admit it. You're gay."

"Kind of. I guess. Shut up."

"So that's why you're so damn protective of me." Dante had a sudden look of understanding on his face.

"I'm not gay! I swear!"

"You want me."

"I do not!"

"You really like me.. You want to kiss me.." Dante was swaying on his couch cushion.

"What the hell Dante? Are you gay?" Randal's face was one of utter shock.

"Kind of." Dante shrugged.

"What do you mean kind of? You mean like YES?"

"Well, duh. For someone who claims to be so up and knowledgable about pop culture, you'd think you knew a homosexual undertone when you saw one."

"What??" Randal actually looked frightened. He shrunk back away from Dante.

"Yeah, you know you want my cock," Dante said utterly calmly.

"What? I don't want your cock! You want my cock." Randal grabbed his crotch.

"No, you want mine."

"Nah ah! I don't want your cock!"

"Okay, I want your cock." Dante shook his head.

"Yeah, I want your's too."

"Oh yeah?" Randal raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah!"

Randal lept onto Dante, knocking over the coffee table littered with bottles, nachos, and cigarette butts.


The two finished around the same time as the football game. They lay on the couch snuggling and smoking cigarettes.

"So, who won the game?" Randal asked.

"I did," Dante replied with a lecherous grin.

"No, I meant the.. Ohhhhh... You did not! Me! I won! I was on top, and therefore I am the King of the Mountain! I'm the King of the Dante! That makes you queen."

"Oh yeah? You wanna play again? Huh big boy? You wanna go?"

"Shut up Dante. I'm trying to watch the post game show."

"Yes, my leige."

--THE END! whoo!--

sorry i slacked off on the sex scene. really.