Notes and disclaimer in part 0. This part is rated R for language and
innuendo. Oh, and I don't own any of the Star Wars franchise. You'll
Randal shuddered as he hit stop. "Bea Arthur doing a musical number in
the Mos Eisley cantina. There are some things man should never see."
He got up and walked out of RST Video, locking the door like he always
did. A few steps later and he was in the QuickStop.
"So, are you gonna tell me what's bothering you?" As he waited for Dante
's response, he grabbed a Yoo-Hoo out of the refrigerated case.
"What? Jesus, Dante! I've known you for years! You can trust me!"
"Veronica caught me." Dante mumbled the rest as his face turned red.
"Caught you on the phone with Caitlin? So what! Tell her that it's part
of Caitlin's therapy or something. Jeez, man. That's nothing!"
"It wasn't that. It has nothing to do with Caitlin, all right? She
caught me. She caught me jacking off in her bed!" Dante exploded. His
face was even redder, if it was possible.
"So? It wasn't like you were jacking off to a picture of me, or
Randal's question was met by silence from Dante.
"Oh shit! You don't mean."
Dante looked up at Randal and nodded.
"You're kidding me, right? You're fucking kidding! No way!" Randal
stepped away from the counter. "Sure, I'm a little flattered. But Jesus,
Dante!" He headed for the door. "I'd better get back to the video
The bell tinkled, signaling Randal's exit. Dante didn't notice. He had
his head down in his arms on the counter, crying.
He raised his head a few minutes later when the bell tinkled again, and
he heard a familiar voice.
"Patience, yo! I just need to get some rolling papers and whipped cream.
Then we can get your damn video," Jay told his companion.
Bob sighed and waited for Jay to grab the whipped cream. He looked at
Dante's bloodshot eyes and runny nose. Dante caught his gaze.
"What? I'm having a bad day!"
Silent Bob shrugged as if to say, "If you don't want to talk about it,"
and pointedly looked up at the ceiling until Jay returned from the dairy
Jay put the cans of whipped cream on the counter. "A pack of rolling
papers and a pack of Nails," he told Dante.
Dante got out the papers and smokes and put them on the counter. He rang
up Jay's purchase.
"Pay 'im," Jay commanded Bob.
Bob pulled out a roll of twenties, peeled off a couple and handed them
to Dante. He gave Bob the change, which Bob tucked away in a pocket. Jay
grabbed the bag full of cannisters and tucked the Nails and papers into
a pocket in his shorts.
As Jay and Silent Bob left, Dante put his head back down in his arms on
Back in the video store, Randal settled in and tried to focus on the
video he was watching. On the screen, Princess Leia sang while Chewbacca
and his family stood around her. He was still trying to decide whether
it was better than Episode One when a couple of familiar faces walked
"Where you keep 'Happy Scrappy Hero Pup' man? This tubby bitch wore out
his copy and won't stop whining until he gets another," Jay gestured at
Silent Bob rolled his eyes at this statement.
"Ah, don't lie. You know you've gotta have it, lunchbox."
Randal hit pause on the remote, freezing Leia and the Wookies onscreen.
"What the fuck are you two doing here? You know you're not allowed to
"Yeah, Leia's gonna have herself a Wookie orgy, ain't she man? You're
watching Star Wars porn, aren't you? Fortunately, I've got my own Chewie
right here." As Jay said this, he humped Bob's leg, the bag of whipped
cream cans knocking against the shelves.
"Knock it off!" Randal told Jay. "Yeah, I think we have a copy of that
video. I ordered it for someone, but they never picked it up." He bent
down and checked under the counter. "Here it is. 'Happy Scrappy Hero
Pup.' Y'know, I heard that the two of you were into some sick shit, but
this is too much." He shook his head in disbelief as he rang up the
"Pay the man," Jay said to Bob.
Silent Bob again pulled out a roll of twenties from inside his coat and
peeled one off. He gave it to Randal and then picked up the video. Bob
tucked it gently in a pocket of his jacket.
Jay turned as he opened the door. "So, did you and the loser next door
break up, or something? We stopped in there for a pack of smokes and he
was sobbing like the girly-man he is. If I was you, I'd get him to stop
crying somehow. It's bad for business."
After they left, Randal tried to finish the Star Wars Holiday Special,
but he couldn't keep his mind on the "Life Day" celebration Chewbacca
and his family had going on. He kept thinking about Dante, just a few
steps away, crying. Randal hit stop on the remote and got up. He went
outside and locked up RST Video. Randal walked the few steps over to the
QuickStop, not sure how he was going to get Dante to stop crying, only
sure that he would do it somehow.
The bell over the door tinkled, signalling Randal's return. Dante looked
up to see who it was. "Oh, it's you," he sighed, wiping his eyes with
his sleeve. "Come to mock me? Did you come to get Caitlin Bree's phone
number so you could call her up and tell her that her ex-boyfriend is a
"Jesus, Dante! Can't I come in and check on you? You're my best friend,
and I care about you."
Randal stepped behind the counter with Dante. He handed Dante a couple
of tissues. "Here."
Dante used the tissues and looked at Randal with bloodshot eyes. "So,
you're okay with what I did?"
"Well, I think your timing sucks," he joked. Randal grabbed Dante by the
shoulders. "Of course I'm okay with it, I love you, man!" Lowering his
voice a bit, and making sure he looked into Dante's eyes, he asked, "Why
don't you come over to my place tonight after work? We can talk about
this some more without worrying about the consumer element."
Dante smiled and nodded.
"See you tonight," Randal told him as he walked out.