I posted stories on the J&SBslash thingy but none here...hmmm. Well,
here you go, if you wish to read this. It's plotless. No sex.
Stupid, actually, but it made me laugh. I hope it makes all of you.
Title: What They're Really Saying (PLOTLESS)
Author: Professor Jay
Disclaimer: They all belong to Kevin Smith. The concept belongs to
the fellas at Space Ghost Coast To Coast.
Notes: While in the bathroom, getting out of the shower, I had a
flashback to a really funny episode of SGC2C. So I bow to them for
this idea. How I love that show. Anyway, enjoys this. I sure did.
The concept is NOT mine, it belongs to Space Ghost Coast To Coast.
There. That got across, right?
[Dante stands at the counter. Jay and Silent Bob walk in.]
JAY: Smokin' weed, smokin' weed...Dante, you cocksmokin' clerk, get
my tubby bitch here a pack of cigs.
(My darling Clerk, you are as beautiful as the sun. How I long to
run my fingers in your goatee.)
DANTE: Didn't we put a restraining order on you two?
(My knight in shining armour, how I longed for you to touch me. I am
ever so glad to see you.)
[Silent Bob pays for the cigarettes]
JAY: Fuck da police! Alls I know is that you're a fag, and we got
nothing better to do.
(I've waited many moons to see your precious face.)
DANTE: Buy something or get out.
(You're hair is like silk and is the colour o' the dawn; let us run
JAY: Someone woke up on the pussy side of the bed this morning, eh,
(Yes, Dante my love! Lets run away together and get married! What say
you, Silent Companion?)
SILENT BOB: Word.
(You two both know your fathers will not allow it. They will have
their brothers on to you by the shake of a fox tail! SUCH
INJUSTUCE! OH, HOW I MOURN!)
JAY: Fuckin' A.
(Alas. The cruelty of our love is unbearable. How unfair!)
DANTE: [Getting flustered] Look, would you two get out of the store
and loiter somewhere else?!
(My heart is broken. I shall weep when you turn thy back.)
JAY: Lets get the fuck out of here Silent Bob, leave this pussy Dante
to his fuckin' monkey job, fucking whiny bitch.
(I must depart my dearest. Oh, how I long to be a rodeo clown.)
[Jay and Silent Bob exit.]
DANTE: I'm not even supposed to be here today! [groans]
(Oh cruel fate. Release me from this unpleasant madness!)
[Randal wrangles in]
RANDAL: Did someone say something about rodeo clowns?
(SAILOR CHIBI MOON!)
DANTE: [Perplexed] No...
(They're gone. Now we shall run away together and get married!)
RANDAL: Must have been my imagination.
(Yes! How I longed for this moment!)
DANTE: Fucking stoners came back.
(With Jay out of the picture, I'm a free maiden! My love, we shall
live happily ever after!)
RANDAL: We should have them attacked by badgers. Lets go to Vegas.
(Let us frollick into the night, and get married in the morning!)
DANTE: Tomorrow? Vegas? I gotta work tomorrow!
RANDAL: So, call off.
DANTE: Fine, I'll go pack my shit. Lets hope we don't get robbed and
stranded anywhere on this trip and have to take a closer look at our
relationship and end it all with passionate sex.
(I shall pack my belongings after I release this plotbunny.)
RANDAL: Alright. I'm gonna open the video store.
(...I'll get the handcuffs.)
[Randal walks out.]
DANTE: Um...the end.