I posted stories on the J&SBslash thingy but none here...hmmm.  Well,

here you go, if you wish to read this.  It's plotless.  No sex. 

Stupid, actually, but it made me laugh.  I hope it makes all of you. 



Title: What They're Really Saying (PLOTLESS)

Author: Professor Jay

Rating: R

Disclaimer: They all belong to Kevin Smith.  The concept belongs to

the fellas at Space Ghost Coast To Coast.

Notes: While in the bathroom, getting out of the shower, I had a

flashback to a really funny episode of SGC2C.  So I bow to them for

this idea.  How I love that show.  Anyway, enjoys this.  I sure did. 

The concept is NOT mine, it belongs to Space Ghost Coast To Coast. 

There.  That got across, right?




[Dante stands at the counter.  Jay and Silent Bob walk in.]


JAY: Smokin' weed, smokin' weed...Dante, you cocksmokin' clerk, get

my tubby bitch here a pack of cigs.

(My darling Clerk, you are as beautiful as the sun.  How I long to

run my fingers in your goatee.)


DANTE: Didn't we put a restraining order on you two?

(My knight in shining armour, how I longed for you to touch me.  I am

ever so glad to see you.)


[Silent Bob pays for the cigarettes]


JAY: Fuck da police!  Alls I know is that you're a fag, and we got

nothing better to do.

(I've waited many moons to see your precious face.)


DANTE: Buy something or get out.

(You're hair is like silk and is the colour o' the dawn; let us run

away together!)


JAY: Someone woke up on the pussy side of the bed this morning, eh,


(Yes, Dante my love! Lets run away together and get married! What say

you, Silent Companion?)



(You two both know your fathers will not allow it.  They will have

their brothers on to you by the shake of a fox tail!  SUCH



JAY: Fuckin' A.

(Alas. The cruelty of our love is unbearable.  How unfair!)


DANTE: [Getting flustered] Look, would you two get out of the store

and loiter somewhere else?!

(My heart is broken.  I shall weep when you turn thy back.)


JAY: Lets get the fuck out of here Silent Bob, leave this pussy Dante

to his fuckin' monkey job, fucking whiny bitch.

(I must depart my dearest.  Oh, how I long to be a rodeo clown.)


[Jay and Silent Bob exit.]


DANTE: I'm not even supposed to be here today!  [groans]

(Oh cruel fate.  Release me from this unpleasant madness!)


[Randal wrangles in]


RANDAL: Did someone say something about rodeo clowns?



DANTE: [Perplexed] No...

(They're gone.  Now we shall run away together and get married!)


RANDAL: Must have been my imagination.

(Yes! How I longed for this moment!)


DANTE: Fucking stoners came back.

(With Jay out of the picture, I'm a free maiden!  My love, we shall

live happily ever after!)


RANDAL: We should have them attacked by badgers.  Lets go to Vegas.

(Let us frollick into the night, and get married in the morning!)


DANTE: Tomorrow?  Vegas?  I gotta work tomorrow!

(Oh JOY!!)


RANDAL: So, call off.



DANTE: Fine, I'll go pack my shit.  Lets hope we don't get robbed and

stranded anywhere on this trip and have to take a closer look at our

relationship and end it all with passionate sex.

(I shall pack my belongings after I release this plotbunny.)


RANDAL: Alright.  I'm gonna open the video store.

(...I'll get the handcuffs.)


[Randal walks out.]


DANTE: Um...the end.